It was World Menopause Day on 18th October and here at FINDRA, it is something that comes up in conversation regularly. It connects all women; we are all either going to face it at some point in the future, are currently going through it or are on the other side! Thankfully, now more than ever, conversations are abundant, and information is far more available. No one is alone. Friend of FINDRA, Freelance writer, speaker, pro-age model, and author (phew!), Elizabeth Joseph began writing and posting about her own perimenopausal on her Instagram account @themenopauseguineapig and has written many articles on the subject, sharing her own experience alongside helpful resources to support everyone. She kindly wrote an article for us, to share with you all on this important day! Enjoy!
Navigating the Perimenopause Journey by Elizabeth Joseph
Are you in your 40s? Do you find yourself forgetting things? Are you a little more anxious than you used to be? Do you find yourself flying off the handle for no good reason? Are you sleeping badly? Do you ache everywhere? Are you putting on weight? Is your skin itchy? Do you have epic wind? Do you just, not, really, feel, quite yourself anymore?
If you are nodding, chances are you are in perimenopause. Typically, women reach their menopause at the age of 51. (You have reached menopause when you have not had a period for 12 consecutive months.) Perimenopause is the build-up to menopause and typically lasts 4 years.
And yet of course there is nothing typical about perimenopause, as each woman will experience this time differently – for some the symptoms will be severe and debilitating, others will have a few hot flushes and breeze through. But let’s face it, we all experienced puberty differently and those of us who experienced pregnancy and childbirth all have very different tales to tell.
And yet we tell those tales don’t we?
When we went through puberty there were books to read, mums, grans, aunts, older sisters, friends and healthcare professionals to ask for advice. If you went through pregnancy there were books to read, healthcare professionals, mums, grans, aunts, sisters and friends to ask for advice.
And yet, I stumbled into this major life stage with neither warning nor explanation from a single woman. Nor was any doctor able to put my symptoms together for me. This led to a certain amount of anger on my part. I became a woman of a certain rage and it was this rage that prompted me to start writing about perimenopause on Instagram, in columns, in magazines and in the book I am currently writing.
I wanted to break down that deafening wall of silence that had surrounded me. To reassure women that it wasn’t just them who didn’t feel like themselves anymore. So, I set myself up as a menopause guinea pig and I proceeded to try all the natural approaches and products out there and some that were truly ‘out there’. From womb massage to cacao ceremonies through cold water swimming and numerous supplements via mouth taping, tapping, turmeric and Tabasco not to mention period pants and fart pants I have tried them all!
I do not have the space here to list and detail them all, so I shall share one of my favourites with you: earthing. Earthing, also known as grounding, is a rather marvellous concept. It simply involves putting your bare feet on the earth, preferably in the morning sun, ideally for at least 20 minutes, to attune yourself with its powerful electrical field, thereby reducing inflammation, speeding recovery and improving sleep.
Now, as I live in the North East of England, I most definitely do not have morning sun all year round. We also don’t have a lawn. I have a small yard and I don’t think standing in one of my larger plant pots is going to quite cut it. However, I promise you that the few times that I’ve had the guts to do this in the local park, or indeed alongside The Angel of The North, I am convinced it did improve my sleep that night and possibly lessened some aching joints. If you are lucky enough to have a garden why not give this a try. Stand outside with your morning cuppa. At the very least, you’ll get some quiet time just for you – and maybe even get the neighbours twitching their curtains.
Perimenopause needn’t be all doom and gloom as some might have you believe. I have had great fun as a menopause guinea pig and I have learned that it may just change your life – in a good way! Trust me. I’ll explain how, but first I need to tell you a little story. Bear with me. It is related. I promise.
Many moons ago, before I had realised I wasn’t really a joiner I briefly became a Brownie. I was initially very excited at the prospect of becoming a Brownie as it came with quite a few goodies: a ‘stylish’ uniform, some stickers, a bag and a Brownie manual of sorts.
The manual was the bit I most excited about. I had been told it held a secret. A secret that could change my life forever! Within the pages of this book there was a beautifully illustrated story of a young girl, about my age at the time, who sets off on a quest. A quest to search for the magical creature that would help her to make sure that her bedroom was always neat and tidy. Imagine! How exciting! I read along with bated breath as the young girl followed clue after clue, through the forest, up hill and down dale, until at last she came upon a still lake shining in the moonlight.
You’re way ahead of me, aren’t you?
I didn’t know any swear words at the time, but if I had I would have used all of them. The story concluded with the young girl, as you have no doubt worked out, being instructed to look into the lake and, upon seeing her own reflection, hearing the words echoing through the still night…
‘It’s you!’
I mean seriously. Come on. Have a word with yourself. I have genuinely never been as profoundly disappointed in my entire life as I was in that moment. I didn’t last much longer in the Brownies and don’t even ask about my bedroom.
As ‘Midlifers’, we know exactly how disappointment feels. We would love a magical creature to help us complete the myriad of tasks each day brings. And we have much more than messy bedrooms to worry about! In midlife, we can often feel pulled in a million different directions. Maybe we have elderly parents to look after. Maybe we still have children living at home. Maybe we have demanding jobs. Maybe we have climbed to the top of the career ladder after years of grafting. Maybe all of the above is true. Maybe we feel we have to be so many things to so many people.
Maybe, just maybe, we don’t quite feel like ourselves anymore.
This feeling is partly because of the life stage we find ourselves at, as part of the sandwich generation, needing to care for and look after so many different people. It is also down to our fluctuating hormones. There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel. As our levels of oestrogen, the nurturing hormone, start to lessen we can start to change focus. We can start to put the focus on ourselves. We can start to care for ourselves. We can also start to worry less about what others think of us. And we can start to look at our own lives thus far. We can start to assess what we want for us. Not for others.
For us.
We are possibly a little braver and a little bolder, keener to try out new things. That could be a new hobby. I have recently given cold-water swimming, hang aerial and zip-wiring a try. Maybe letting a little ‘woo woo’, something a little more unconventional, into our lives. Maybe braving a cacao ceremony, forest bathing or a sound bath? Or how about just looking after ourselves and putting our own needs first: a spa day, sitting in the garden with a good book for half an hour or enjoying a long soak in an Epsom Salt bath?
Now is also a time when we need to make sure we avoid making any kind of comparisons. It doesn’t matter how well anyone else is doing, or says they are doing. It’s about how we are doing. Now is the time to look at ourselves and assess whether any limiting beliefs have been holding us back. Is there something we have always wanted to do or something we have always wanted to try but a lack of confidence has stopped us?
Thanks to the encouragement of strong women not only have I become a writer, I have also become a model! All at the grand old age of fifty! Two things that I couldn’t have imagined possible five years ago! Five years ago, perimenopause had completely knocked me sideways and flattened any confidence I might once have had in myself. But, over time, as the oestrogen has started to ebb, I have rediscovered that confidence and I am looking forward to my second spring, my second act. I am excited to see what the future holds.
I am not sure exactly where you are on your journey at the moment but there will come a time when you stop looking outside of yourself to find your confidence, you will stop wondering what it will take to get you going again, to get you excited about trying out something new. There will come a time when you stand still, in the moonlight, maybe during a cacao ceremony, and look down at the smooth surface of a beautiful lake and you will see that magical creature that can change your life:
It’s you!
You can follow Elizabeth Joseph @themenopauseguineapig on Instagram.
Sunday Inspiration
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Tom’s Midnight Garden – Philippa Pearce
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